So I wrote that I went to the doctor yesterday for a follow up, but I didn’t actually say how the visit went WITH the doctor. She said that I am healing very well, she was impressed. She also said that my blood test from the hospital came back and it was able to shed… Continue reading It’s In The Reach Of My Arms, The Span Of My Hips. I Am A Woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal Woman. That’s Me.
We loved you from the moment we knew you would be ours. We loved the thought of seeing your squishy little face, and holding you in our arms. We loved the way you made us feel alive and excited for what was to come. We loved that you were everything good about us, and something… Continue reading A Poem To Our Baby
I went to my OB for the first time since my d&c today. My appointment was supposed to be yesterday, but the doctor got stuck in surgery so they had to reschedule. It wasn’t until they called me yesterday that I realized how much I had been holding my breath about the appointment to begin… Continue reading My Fear Is Silenced In Your Love, My Hope Is Endless
Anchors. The symbol Russell and I have used to represent what we mean to each other since early on in our relationship. Anchors hold boats steadfast in the worst of storms. When the waters are rough and the winds are threatening, anchors dig in. That is what we have been for each other since the… Continue reading Life’s Roughest Storms Show The True Strength Of Our Anchors
Over the last week Russell and I have talked a lot about our baby, and it made me realize how we have so many questions and frustrations about this situation. Like why dads aren’t really allowed time to grieve, why people feel the need to assume how long it should take you to “get over… Continue reading Our Lost Baby Isn’t Lost At All
Every morning I’ve woke up since Monday night has been the same. I open my eyes, look around my familiar room, look at Russell sleeping peacefully finally not seeing pain in his eyes, and think “maybe it was all a dream”. Then I move, and feel the pain in my back and the ache in… Continue reading It Ain’t Pretty
From the movement we got two pink lines on the first home test I took, something inside me wouldn’t let me grab on to this pregnancy. Even after the second, third, and fourth test, I still couldn’t. I kept telling myself I needed to hear it from the doctor. So when I got my official… Continue reading Grieving The Baby We Never Got To Hold